How do you know when you love someone?

Good question – and good job on you for actually bothering to ask! It seems most people don’t care – in fact most people think love is the same as lust, and that it’s totally cool to be as possessive as possible.

Okay, so you think you might love this person, but you’re not sure. Here are a series of questions you can ask yourself to find out if you really love this person or not:

  • Picture this person 20-40 years in the future, with wrinkles and grey hair (or bald)… do you think you’ll love them then?
  • Imagine this person has some tragic accident in which they lose their… well… if it’s a woman, imagine they lose their boobs, if it’s a guy, imagine he loses his dangly bits… do you still love this person and want to be with them?
  • Imagine this person has a sex change… do you still love them?
  • What if this person becomes really fat, or is in an accident and has burn marks all over their face and body, so you think you’ll still love them, or find them repulsive?

How did you do? Were your answers mostly “Yes, I’ll totally still love him/her!”? … Or more like “Um… er.. maybe not…” … Most people would probably answer “Maybe not”… and if you did… well hey, I guess that means you don’t really love this person, but that’s okay, at least you know. :)

And if you actually answered “Yes” to most (or even all) the questions – then it’s probably pretty safe to say you really love this person. Awesome. The world needs more people like you. :)

But wait, there’s more… here’s a bonus question!

  • Imagine this person tells you they love you, but they also love someone else… how does that make you feel? Happy or upset?

This one is interesting, because the conventional “wisdom” generally seems to be that it’s good if you’re the only person he/she loves, and bad if there’s someone else… which is weird if you consider love to be a good thing. Love is a good thing, right? Love is never bad, right? So then how does it make any sense at all that it’d be a bad thing if this person loves MORE THAN ONE PERSON? Makes no sense to me… so then, if you’re happy for the person because they love more people, awesome – I’d say that’s a pretty good sign that you love this person and care about their well-being. If, on the other hand, the idea of them loving another human being besides you makes you upset or jealous or feel threatened in some way, I’d say you’re really more concerned about yourself and probably have some insecurity issues you might want to look into.

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About The Meaning Of Love

I write about love because I have always been deeply bothered by society’s definitions of love and how most people talk about love, and everything they associate with it. I have given this topic years of thought, and always found it extremely hard to explain my thoughts in actual words. How do you explain something as abstract and unexplainable as love? Sometimes the topic comes up on forums and I always respond to people as best I can. At first I was terrible at getting my point across, but after enough attempts I actually started to make some sense to myself. Then one day I realized I had typed quite a lot, and I never seem to run out of steam on this topic, so why not write some full articles about it? Click my little picture on the left to see all my articles.

28 thoughts on “How do you know when you love someone?

  1. I learnt alot 4rm ur article…i’m dis kind of person who falls in luv so easily..if i fall in love with a guy today i don’t love him tomorrow.,and i wonder why this happen 2 me.

  2. Your article is very nice to read. But still I don’t know what is love….but I miss someone throughout day….when I have some leisure…or before sleeping or sometimes I wake up in midnight and think of him and feel like crying. But I avoided him several times when he was close to me. Now perhaps he feels careless about whether I love him or not.

  3. I love your articles, i am so happy I came across your blog! I think the same way you do about love and trasditional marriage, and how society has really abused both. Let me ask you, have you written an article about young marriages, when young folks marry for lust, thinking they are in love, yet not mature enough in their lives to know the true meaning of love? Or marriage due to accidental pregnancies? Im curious, so many divorces from these types of marriages, and also so many unhappy marriages because people are too afraid to divorce for fear of pain, fear of the unknown, finances, losing the history they created with family and friends….etc.

  4. I really enjoyed ur articles it helped me look into my relationship from a distance ty so much

  5. I don’t have any experience with things like that, so I shouldn’t be commenting on them. I don’t think maturity is dependent on age necessarily, especially not where love is concerned. Too much experience without an open mind can actually make a person get “stuck in their ways” and not be open to learning from their experiences. So age really is only a factor if a person is open minded and stays open minded enough to actually learn from their extra time on earth.

  6. I am in love with two people. As i read they both came to mind one my ex and d other my bf. i had to choose n i chose the one that loved me more which is my bf. my ex did not love me as much. i still think about him day in day out every minute of d day though i would do all that for my bf we were friends 7yrs b4 we started dating n i love him but i love my ex as well. is this normal? how can i still love someone i am no longer with that i do not even see or speak to. Sometimes am just sad thinking about it n i cant tell my bf for the fear of loosing him n i cant leave him to figure out what i want also for the fear of loosing him but i just cant seem to get my ex off my mind we dated 3yrs n ive been dating my bf a yr now. it would also break my heart to leave him. HELP!

  7. i love him so much. he says he loves me back but i dnt think he means it.his mates always come 1st an are more important than me nd his baby

  8. no i think you have insecurity issues if you didnt care if the boy loved another person besides his mom because that is saying you are allowing him to cheat or have another person on his mind why not just brak up wit him if im not his one and only then he must not love me that much because he is also in love with another person and you allow that you need to chek yourself cause aint no man going to love another girl while hes with me no affense

  9. i agree with heather because that just dont make since dont let no other girl take your spot if he loves you he would never come at you with no shit like that dudes is crazy forreal but dont listen to everything you read on the internet because they would have you messed up

  10. i love ur article.i love my man so much an he say that he love me too but sometime the way how he act tells me he don’t no watt he wan’t i don’t no watt to believe sometime. please tell me watt to do.

  11. I have dated my girlfriend for well over 2years and I broke up with her telling her a don’t love her as I did before… I know i’m an asshole.. No one wants to hear there boyfriend/girlfriend say they don’t love them. To be honest she was my only girlfriend since i was 16 I’m 18 now and a month away from my birthday. She is the only girlfriend I’ve ever had, and maybe its because I’ve had sex with her. I have no experience with relationships, which yes sucks… but I care for her deeply and I just want to know what i’m feeling is it the feeling in which she was the only girl I have actually ever been with and from going out of a comfortable relationship is what is bothering me so much? I would love for something to shed some sort of light on a confused young man that craves to vent too someone that can actually make me feel better….. if making me feel better is even possible.

  12. So it’s wrong to actually think that I’m so valuable that I don’t want my man to “love” anyone than me?
    If I share the most valuable things to me in my life, my heart, my dreams, my future, my body .. I say it’s HEALTHY to know my own worth and say “hey, if you don’t appreciate this but want to go all over to look I’m not going to stick around. Lust looks for what it can get and gives so it can get what it wants. Love looks for what it can give. Love looks sometimes like sacrifice to those who don’t have the same passion. If I love someone I want to give the finest and bestest of who I am. That would for me be, a place for someone else’s heart to feel, free and safe with all that’s within them. True Love creates trust and connection. That doesn’t happen in a relationship where someone think it’s “noble to love more than one” in that way. It makes you wonder if you’re not valuble enought to be someones favorite. We’re made to be someones fav…

    I think your idea sounds really great -in theory. Doesn’t work in a healthy persons life who knows their worth enough to set boundaries.

  13. I luv my bf a lot. Even he loves me bt he has changed a lot. He always used to take out time 4me bt know a days even f he gets free time he dont bother to call me.whole day he be’s in computer playin games. He dnt luv me the same way as he used to and i cannt evn stay without him..what am i to do to make our relation strong..?what to do??help me out ur friend need ur help.

  14. HELP ME PLEASE…..! :'(
    I luv my bf a lot. Even he loves me bt he has changed a lot . He always used to take out time 4me bt now a days,even f he gets free time he dont bother to call me most of the times.whole day he be’s in front of the computer playin games. He dnt luv me the same way as he used to and i cannt evn stay without him..what am i to do to make our relation strong..?what to do??help me out ur friend need’s ur help.

  15. so there’s this girl, which I have a “HUGE” crush on her, from all the girls I’ve liked, she the only one that I really LIKE, and I know this because, every time I see her, my heart beets faster and faster, but yet, am too nervous to talk to her, even though I manage to do so, I always think stuff out. She is definitely, the most beautiful girl I’ve seen in my whole life. She nothing like most of the girls out there, she’s unique, she never goes around, talking about her self. I just need help… How would i be able to talk to her, make her my friend, and then, hopefully, ask her out… some day.

  16. this one is for Jasmine.. (hope you see this)! I laughed when i read your post cause i am or was in the exact exact situation were i was with my bf and my ex wanted me back :S and my ex was someone i loved so much i never ever felt that way about someone before and i did love my bf but i guess just not as much.. But i did the opposite of what you were saying i got back together with my ex and (bitch move) but dumped my bf for another guy which broke his heart to pieces.. And now im back with my ex and doubting my decision everyday.. And it’s the exact opposite now instead of thinking about the ex everyday i am thinking about the new ex i guess hes called.. Its really hard to get back what we had feels like its gone forever.. Well i hope you read this and it helps a bit cause i was in the same situation and i made a mistake i hope you make the right decision :)

  17. Love to be love .. I gave my full love to my only love.. But age really is only a factor of a person is open minded and she/he stays open minded enough.

  18. I think that everyone has some basic meaning of what love may be… for me, it’s first about loving yourself and who you are, so that you can give that love (your best) to the people who mean the most to you. If you want to give your love and your best to another, then I believe that’s loving them, always wanting to share with them and just love being around them, wanting to protect them and be there for them in times of need, and always feeling that love for them (unless, of course, they do not reciprocate love in return… then it’s a one way street). No, love is never a waste, but in my opinion, be careful who you’re giving your love to. If it’s someone who’s not so loving in return, and giving you just as much love and making you feel ‘loved’, they’re the wrong one. If I had someone I loved completely, and they loved me and someone else… that would hurt. We are human, and let’s face it… it is possible to love two people.. or more, but, I agree with the one poster.. I wouldn’t exactly feel ‘special’ or ‘valued’, I wouldn’t want my partner to ever feel that from me, I wouldn’t feel right giving my love and attention to anyone other than the one I truly feel for, and love. Everyone can have and give their own meaning to what love and marriage is. But I think, we all want to feel loved and appreciated by that one special person who we adore and could spend the rest of our lives with. But more importanty, self-love is the best love.. because if all else fails, you won’t be that effected by it if you are true to yourself and you’re your best for YOU first.

  19. Wow this is so amazing love love love is something big and its strong. Its coming from with in you, and its true you decide what love for you is!!!

  20. This person came in my life a year ago.he is 10 years elder to me. He is social worker.
    i had some questions in my mind about some spirituality . we met coincidentally , he answered my questions when he did not know i had these question in my mind.
    I dont know if its love but yes i had imagined him in his 40s or bald, and i liked him more and more.i imagined him without his private parts, i found answering myself that it does not matter to me ,he is the same for me,even sex change or ugly face of his would not change my mind because there is something else which has connected me to him ,and that something never makes me angry with him for anything. i dont feel like expecting anything from him.
    I dont feel its important me to tell him that i feel that ‘something ‘ for him.

  21. I think true and mutual love never ends ,the two parties must be concerned about their welfare of their beloved

  22. If my fiance constantly watches baseball and when i say lets go upstairs and make love and he says”no i want to watch baseball and you always want it durin a vame and you know i been waitin to wath it all day” does he really love me

  23. This is amazing. Mindblowing things that I could have never put in these exact words. Who are you? I wish I could read this stuff all night, I agree 100% but I have to go to bed.

  24. This is the greatest sits 4 love. Thanks 4 love tips. I want to know that my girl friend is 3 month elder of me that’s can be problem.
    Ans me plz.

  25. Ur article has thought me a lot I have been in love before it turns out to be that the guy was ripping me off
    Am in love nw with sum1 who loves me bt I dnt know how to handle it I keep remembering my past
    I am even willing to marry this guy he got nothing I mean he is broke bt I don’t get a damn
    What can I do or say to handle my relationship
    He is a black man

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