How to get over someone you love

So you want to get over someone you love, but you don’t know how? Keep on reading.

First off, you should probably clarify exactly what you want to achieve… what exactly does it mean to ‘get over’ someone? Does it mean you stop loving the person? Or would you like to keep that, but just stop it from hurting every time you think of that person?

That brings up some other questions… are you sure you really love this person in the first place? What is love? Read this article first and then come back here: How do you know if you really love someone

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Back? If you read the article mentioned above and it turns out you don’t really love the person that much, no big deal, then all you need to do is distract yourself with something else for a while and eventually you’ll stop thinking about that person.

On the other hand, let’s say it turns out you really do love this person… that is a good thing, there’s no need to stop that. What you do want to stop though, is the pain associated with this person when you think of them. Why does it hurt? Is it because you’ve gotten too attached to the idea of being with this person, and the fact that you’re not together actually hurts your ego? Or do you just miss the person terribly?

Love is a good thing, there should never be any reason to have to stop loving someone or “get over” someone. The weird thing is that the more you try to fight against your feelings, the more they fight back. So the more you try to stop thinking about someone, the more you’ll end up thinking about them. Don’t think about an elephant right now. … You thought of an elephant, didn’t you? See what I mean? :)

The more you accept your feelings and make peace with them, the less they’ll bother you. So accept that you love this person, and don’t try to get over them at all. Celebrate your love, but don’t get attached to any particular outcome. Just be grateful that you have the privilege to love this person, and let that be its own reward. If you can do that, you won’t need to get over anybody.


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About The Meaning Of Love

I write about love because I have always been deeply bothered by society’s definitions of love and how most people talk about love, and everything they associate with it. I have given this topic years of thought, and always found it extremely hard to explain my thoughts in actual words. How do you explain something as abstract and unexplainable as love? Sometimes the topic comes up on forums and I always respond to people as best I can. At first I was terrible at getting my point across, but after enough attempts I actually started to make some sense to myself. Then one day I realized I had typed quite a lot, and I never seem to run out of steam on this topic, so why not write some full articles about it? Click my little picture on the left to see all my articles.

37 thoughts on “How to get over someone you love

  1. This is really amazing.
    now a days people think love is just sex and attraction.
    but thts not true. this is an article for such people who really want to love some one and really wants to be loved by some one without any expectations from them and without any lust.
    thanks for showing me a meaning of LOVE.

  2. I don’t love this person “like that,” I love him like a friend, but deeper. Like I don’t have to love him, but I know that no matter how hard I try I always will. I’m actually not attracted to him at all. Even if I was, he lives across the biggest state in the continental US and neither of us can drive yet. He has recently told me that were no good for each other and that he’s not going to talk to me anymore, and even though I feel like I’ve been stabbed in the stomach, I don’t try to talk to him anymore because I know it makes him happy. Does that even count as love? It sure does feel like it. Anyway, thank you. This article helped a lot.

  3. That sure sounds like love to me. Hopefully one day he’ll understand that too and won’t feel like he needs to avoid you.

  4. sooo, It has been 3 years and 2 months, how do I stop the hurt and anger towards my ex? I miss my friend and now he is gone with another with no explanation. Why cannot I not get over him? Is there something wrong with me?

  5. Susan, I am in the same situation I’ve been finished, more recent than you have but still no explanation or real reason, you just have to think if they are giving you no reason, you will always have questions but if they did this to you they dont deserve the love you share for him. you have to tell yourself that and pray you can one day feel better

  6. Accept I love them and move on HOW???
    Problem is I am madly in love with him and he is not madly in love with me thats why I need to get him off my mind…I cant I date other men and still think of him while I make love to another man…No other men compare to the man I love…

  7. love means that you love the person exactly as they are, as they before and as they will be in the future….!!!

  8. So the actual problem here is that thinking about him causes you pain, because you feel as though your love for him would only be justified if he felt the same way about you? I see this happen with a lot of people, someone loves a person, but the person doesn’t love them back, so they think that they should try to stop loving that person. It hurts to think about him because your ego is saying that he should love you back, and because he doesn’t, you should stop loving him in order to stop the pain… But love is a good thing, there’s no reason to try to stop that. But you should try to find other ways to overcome the pain… but not by distracting yourself from it by going out with other men. You probably shouldn’t be going out with any other men until you resolve this issue… it isn’t fair on them, and only makes you feel more guilty.

  9. Its been eight months since my ex ended are relationship because she “didn’t want to hurt me anymore”. She suffered severe anorexia and spent a good deal of are relationship in hospital. Before I met her I was a very tough guy and never let my feelings show nor did I let them bother me. But now I just can’t stop thinking about her with out feeling pushed to breaking point. I know she did the right thing and I know she still has feelings for me and I know we shouldnt be together again. I want to be her friend and help her but I have to deal with the pain first. Please help me.

    Thank you

  10. I’m in a situation where I’ve been seeing this guy for 2 years. I really do love him but now he tells me he doesn’t love me anymore but still wants us to remain friends. He’s still there for me morally and financially but i want more than that and it hurts to know that he now loves someone else and i seem stuck on him. HELP. How do i move on with my life??

  11. I have 2 kids with a man that I was with for 14 years. Yesterday he told me he doesn’t love me and hasn’t in several years. I am crushed, I know the relationship was not “healthy” to begin with but I cannot get over it. I want the feeling in the pit of my stomache to go away ! I knew there was something wrong, I saw this coming, so for the last week I can’t sleep, I can’t eat. It’s comsuming me and I don’t know how to stop it. Someone please tell me how to get over this !

  12. hi there, me and my ex broke up a few months ago,we was only toether a few months but in that short while we grew very attached to one another but now, we rarely talk but when we do she tells me she doesnt love me anymore but she still has feelings for me (although after a long 2 hour phone call!) i know she is talkin to other boys and it hurts! the more i try not to think about her, the more i end up thinkin about her! but she says there can never be a us again:( it just feels like she cares about me sometimes whereas i care about her 100% of the time… i really dont understand the woman mind…..

  13. 8year relationship that has become mundane, and issues my bf has with my son that I feel will never resolve. It’s got worse without him talking to me. Then I get a email to claim that we never did love each other in the real sense. That statements makes me feel like i never really new this man.

  14. I was in love, deeply in love, then she told me it was going nowhere and would never work. We had everything planned out, kids, house the lot! Now she’s gone.. i try to keep a straight face but how can i when my love has FUCKED OFF and left me with this pain.

  15. Well, i like this guy… i think its turned into more than love now, but he’s with one of my best friends and when i found out she liked him i was more than crushed, felt like somebody stabbed me and twisted the knife several times, now i regret not telling him before but i guess its not meant to be and time will heal it. Its hard not to get over someone you’ve cried and dreamt of being with and it suddenly gets crushed because you didn’t say anything…
    anyway moral of the story, always tell someone when you love them, because if you leave it too long it will be too late.
    This is from experience anyway

  16. I was in a five year relationship with a girl we started dating just when we was kids and knew we was in love from the very beginning but as we got older I wanted to experience other things and do my own thing for a bit and she didn’t I knew I loved her but for some reason I always wanted something else I just didn’t know what that was. Then as soon as I lost her I wanted her back this went on and off for 5 years till a few months ago when I broke up with her again. It finally crushed her this time and now we don’t talk I miss her like crazy and know I messed up with the love of my life. It was that kinda love people dreamed about. Now I dream of her every night for months straight now. How am I supposed to get over that and move on from my biggest regret?

  17. i think that some people did’nt really know wat is really meaning of lurv…that s why they broke up easily n did’nt know how to thank..

  18. How do you get over someone that lives with a mental disease. Bipolar Disorder is a serious mental illness and for 2 and a half years I have been on the receiving end of pain and heartache yet I still love this person. I seen the wonderful real person inside there but for the sake of my own sanity and health I need to let go. I just don’t know how. I feel like I am abandoning her just because she lives with something she didn’t ask for and has no control over it most of the time. It is affecting every part of my life i.e. work, health, relationship with my children and other friends and family. I do not let her see my children anymore and I do not see hers. So, love comes in many different forms and it’s never easy saying goodbye.

  19. yeaaaahhh…. becuase this is helping i want to get over the lad not get back with him 2YEARS i was with hum and your giving me ways to get back with this lad eh? whats going on hear ment to be helping me it hart i just want to be over him:( this dose not help from where, am i looking from it sorry!

  20. i hate the boymi was with i gave him everythingQ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and i got it back in my face then 20mins later it would be sorry urrrghhhhhhh….left me with the pain and then got with my ‘best mate’ HAHA
    two day afer he told me he l;oved me again 3years for what NOTING,dont know what to do any more reading all the other coments made me feel. as if i was not alone made me feel like someone understands me thats all i waant not someone to tell me it will get batter becuase its not everywhere i looook, i just see pain:(!

  21. It has been a couple of weeks since I spoke to him, but it feels like a year. How can I love a person who is rigid and hard to forgive people, but inside is a teddy bear. The sad thing is, I was one of the only people who let his teddy bear side out.. I miss him sooo much. He is my best friend also. I know he loves me too. How do I over come this pain? I cannot bare to think that I have lost him forever:(

  22. But the thing is that im a really REALLY jealous type and i know she dosent want to be with me and i want to leave her alone like she wants i want what she wants all i want is for her to be happy but i dont want no one else to have herr eitherr soo what do i do?

  23. I dont really understand how this article will help me stop the pain from my ex. We havent spoken in over a year and I still care about her more than she will ever know. I have read a couple of your articles and have to wonder if you have truly been in a situation like this and not just pondered on it. Not saying it is a bad article. I did enjoy reading it.

  24. I am with this guy for 2 and a half years. We have a 3 month together. After talking to his friend he decides to call me a fat B***h, fat whore, and says he doesn’t wanna be with me. This is the hardest thing to deal with. I wanna be a family and not have him talking like that to me, but he hasn’t stopped today. He said i’m going to regret things. I love him so much i’ve put up with this for over a year but I know he’s no good for me. What do I do? This is so hard. :(

  25. It was almost a year together but his mom didnt know. Well she found out bc of my brother, and we broke up..so its been 6 months and i know i love him and he loves me but its bc of her we arnt together….love hurts….:'(

  26. Me and this guy have been off an on for 6 months now. And Iv web waiting for a month for him to be with me again. He said he needed time. He says he likes being single, he’s the only person I can be open with, and now he just wants to be friends, and he loves me he tells me, or is he just saying it to make me feel better, I love him, and i cry when just a little thought of him pops up:( just need advice to move on like he his;/

  27. I have a difficult situation with my best friend and ex “girl friend” When I moved to a new state again I met this incedible girl right. I never got nervous around any women my whole life but everytime I saw her my heart would start racing and I’d get nervous. Time passed and we would talk nonstop to eachother via email and on the phone. I told her I loved her and she told me she loved me. I loved her so much I accidentally slipped that I wanted to marry her and she loved that idea. I moved all the way on the other side of the United States and she gave me a poem that said that she loved me and this move was going to make us closer. She told me a few months ago that she didn’t want me to tell her I loved her and that we are just friends. Now she says she likes my friend back in her state. I want her to be happy but nothing I do makes the pain go away. I was an extremely tough man who never felt any pain and now even the thought of her and I’m on the edge of tears. One more thing is the in my religion that me and her are in we take dating in that you are ready to get married so it’s different than with most people’s dating. Is there anything I can do to stop the pain. I told her I dcan’t talk to her now cuz I need to fix my feelings. She also told me that the girl I knew back in her state isn’t the real her… I mean what do you say to that. I really do love her no matter what happens to her physically or mentally.

  28. 3 months ago my relationship ended with a woman who I am still in love with. She also has 3 kids (not mine) which I love and adore as they were my own. I took care of her and the kids the best I could, even better than their own father does. I wasn’t given explanation for our break up. I think about them all the time becuz its more like I lost my family and not just my relationship. I often cry over them and Ive never been so emotional. I don’t know what to do to stop the hurt. It is impossible for me to move on until I correct this issue somehow. Despite the fact that she has already moved on and made it clear she doesn’t want any contact from me anymore. I can’t stop loving her and I truly don’t want to stop. Smh someone help me!

  29. I’m in love with my best friend of 4 years. I loved her from the day I met her but didn’t realize I had a true love for her until we saw each other after a year of being apart. Everytime I think if her my heart burns because she loves someone else and even if she loved me she lives miles and miles away and in a few months I’m moving even further. I have a hopeless love for her, and I know I always will. </3

  30. So there’s this guy that I fell for about 3 years ago. I thought it was just a really big crush but turns out it wasn’t. I can’t find a way to make the hurt go away, the more I think about him the worse it gets and it’s been going on for 3 years. The thing is he’s straight, I realize nothing will happen but I can’t find myself to just let go. Not too long ago I told him how I felt, I asked him if he was mad but he said no. He said,” yeah it’s weird but there’s nothing I could do about it you know?” I thought that was when I could finally let go because I got my feelings out but I’m still in pain :/. I miss being around him a lot, but things changed after I told him. We used to be able to hang out with no problem but now that he knows, it’s awkward for him. I don’t know what to do anymore. .help?

  31. i reall love this article,infact i met a guy,we are goingout for d past oneyear nd 3mnths now,he told m what he likes or dislikes,he said he really love m,but i want knw if truly he love m,i told him that am pregnant,he said he dnt like,if not bcs of m he will nt talk to me again,that nite he didnt call till d following morni until i called him.he use to talk abt his ex–gf,when d lady make mistake he pursue her,nd d lady is visiting him.is this guy really love m?

  32. Love is nt what u thnk it is,love is nt jst al about physical and emotional,love it self is Goodnes.the best kind of love to pratis is the agape love.and u being in a relation if u breakup from ur relatnshp give urself time,long time to pray and ask God for help.

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