Unconditional Love vs Marriage

The conventional marriage is quite possibly the worst way to show someone you love them.

Unconditional love makes marriage look primitive and restrictive in comparison. If the people getting married really loved each other that much, there’d be no need whatsoever to promise to stay together. They just would – because they want to. What more do you need?

Something along the lines of polyamory is a more ideal situation, even if you don’t find more than one person to be with. It’s the thought that counts – letting people be free, and not thinking you have some kind of right to demand that they not look at, talk to, hang out with or go out with anyone else.

If people get married and then years later realize they’re miserable together… there’s no point whatsoever in staying together anyway just ’cause they promised they would. I don’t think that’s “noble” or “courageous”… it’s cowardly. And mean. ‘Cause they’d probably both be happier and better off if they split up.

So, my conclusion is that marriage is unnecessary, but I am not totally opposed to the idea as a concept. It’s just been about as badly abused as the word “love” has. There is nothing wrong with two (or more!) people promising each other that they’re gonna stay together no matter what, as long as they were going to do that anyway and are not using the promise to force themselves to keep at it if they fear that someday they may change their minds and not want to anymore.

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About The Meaning Of Love

I write about love because I have always been deeply bothered by society’s definitions of love and how most people talk about love, and everything they associate with it. I have given this topic years of thought, and always found it extremely hard to explain my thoughts in actual words. How do you explain something as abstract and unexplainable as love? Sometimes the topic comes up on forums and I always respond to people as best I can. At first I was terrible at getting my point across, but after enough attempts I actually started to make some sense to myself. Then one day I realized I had typed quite a lot, and I never seem to run out of steam on this topic, so why not write some full articles about it? Click my little picture on the left to see all my articles.

23 thoughts on “Unconditional Love vs Marriage

  1. According to my oppinion love is charecterised by an element of responsibility, accountability and settlement in love to me is key. We need to cultivate a culture of a responsible nation,it is irrisponsible to choose the eazy way of living because love is two-way, normally if something is not going right with the relationship the problem is between the two someone is not prepared to take responsibility or accountability for thier mistakes.

  2. I,too feel the same as what has been written about “Unconditional love”.In my view,Sex,however passionate it may be among couples,will seem to be,kind of a futile thing,if there lies no sense of UNCONDITIONAL LOVE,although they might firmly claim that they possess LOVE between them…but,then,today,in the scenario of this utmost recession and,if I am not wrong,99% of the people,being interested about all the material pursuits of the world,perhaps,the concept of unconditional love has taken a backseat..still,I would urge all the couples,to try to LOVE unconditionally since,it’s something that gives us,purely,ETERNAL BLISS..LIFE IS ONE,Buddies…PLEASE LOVE ONCE AND LOVE UNCONDITIONALLY

  3. Sometimes people are not happy together but stick it out anyway for whatever reason. (Maybe because of the “promise” they made.) Once they weather the storm, they find that not only has their love returned but it has grown beyond anything they could have foreseen. Don’t look down on the Sacrament of Marriage. True unconditional love is impossible without the help of God. Try being completely selfless for a day and you’ll see what I mean. Love means I put you before my own “happiness”.

  4. Very well thought out. I needed to read that, along with the other things you’ve posted. Merci.

  5. sadie i totally agree with you. i also believe that “sex” is what keeps us from finding love. because we think that we are in love when really its just lust. and sooner or later it will get old and boring and youll want something/someone new.

  6. i don’t know much..but i wud say that unconditional love comes naturally.u can’t force it..u have to love the person so much that nothing matters…wether he is good or bad..right or wrong…maybe u know he is wrong but that doesnot change ur feelings caz u have stopped judging him/her and his/her acts are not as important than he or she herself.The other person becomes the centre of ur world ….u start enjoying loving without expecting.Yaa,ur love take the spiritual flavour which gives u immense joy..TRY IT OUT!!!

  7. Wait. Didn’t you just say unconditional love comes from “loving someone no matter what?” Despite their changes? Isn’t this kind of contradictory then? Because the whole idea of marriage has a spiritual aspect to itself. It requires two people to realize their weaknesses and strengths and build a sense of trust between each other. In essence, marriage is the ultimate intimate relationship which springs from the unconditional love, and loving someone no matter how much they change.

    So, I don’t know where you get this idea that polygamy is a better alternative, because it’s not. In fact it’s entirely opposite. It’s hard enough to deal with one woman let alone three to a dozen people you are supposedly “attracted” to. that would lead us down the road of shallowness, and shall I say, NOT conditional love? Looks like you’ve got some reasoning to do. ;) !

  8. @GinMoo:

    In essence, marriage is the ultimate intimate relationship which springs from the unconditional love, and loving someone no matter how much they change.

    In theory, this is true. However, in practice it seems to rarely work out that way. It can be done right though, but like I said, if it was done right there would technically be no need to use legal promises and whatnot to try to “encourage” (force) the couple to stay together. Not that it isn’t nice to make a promise like that, but marriage in its current state has probably caused more harm than good in the world due to misuse.

    So, I don’t know where you get this idea that polygamy is a better alternative, because it’s not.

    I said nothing about polygamy. I was talking about polyAMORY, which is totally different. Wikipedia has a good section about it here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyamory

    Some people can apparently love everyone unconditionally… I haven’t managed to do that yet. But if you do happen to love more than one person unconditionally, I think it would be wrong to try to restrict yourself from showing affection to more than one of them. That of course doesn’t necessarily mean sex, but I suppose it could if you wanted it to. *shrug*

    And yeah, multiple relationships would never work for an introvert like me (not saying it wouldn’t work for other introverts, though). I’d rather get to know all the intricate little details of one person rather than knowing more people less intimately than that… but people are different, and I suppose some people would be more into that than I would be.

    Also, “attraction” is somewhat pointless. Everyone will get old and wrinkly eventually anyway, so why bother? :)

  9. Hold on mr im confused? In the waste of time blog you said that person b wan an idiot because ofhis negative thinking, some couples like to get married because its maybe a tradition? maybe they went through something really rough together and realised they want to be classed as family legaly? Maybe therrs a kid on the way and they want to be married before. I dont think marrige is cowardly what so ever! I think its two people standing in front of everyone they know and making them all see how much there other half means to them. Even if u are not married, promises are always made, just wothout the ring. And even if a marrige fails, they loved them at one point, and wernt afraid to show it!

  10. I fell in love with a lady over the last year, gave her a promise ring on New Years eve. Since then she says she loves me but goes out with someone 25 yrs her elder because he pays her rent, and bills. Yet she continues to say she loves me. This man sits down the block and watches her house, has a list of all vehicles that stop. Plate type make color and owners ID. She picked out an engagement ring one day then for the next week I wasnt able to see her because he rented her the apartment we looked at and were going to get. She wouldnot let me stop by because he paid for it and wanted to move her. She said well why not let him move me as that way we did not have to do the work.
    She has since sent me home because she made plans to go gambling or ball games with him. Is that love??????????? No that is using him as a sugar daddy or what. I knew she was doing that and it made no diffence to her even when I told her I didnt want her to be with him. I do really LOVE her but stopped counting at 35 times she stood me up to be with him to spend money he gave her to gamble. I think I should run while still sane and forget my properety I had in apt. What do you say? or suggest????

  11. @Keith – I can’t really give you advice because I’m not entirely sure what’s going on there. Apartment? You two live together? You can’t tell people what to do, though, if what she’s doing is a mistake, she’ll probably figure that out at some point. It doesn’t sound like she’s being very responsible, with the gambling and all that. I’m not sure what you mean by “run while still sane”?

  12. We live sepretly now. Last Friday she asked me to start to move my property into the apartment we looked at together and were going to get together. But she all of a sudden had all the money to rent it. Did so and moved in. The 80 yr old rented it for her, he wanted to move her in so she let him and told me she needed space from everyone. I then found out he moved her in as I honored her request to stay away. He then spent the week with her taking her to the Casino and paid for everything and gave her spending money. I had given up my apt. to move in with her. Only to find out she expected me to leave everytime he wanted to come over to see her which has been everyday since the move. Now I am out my apartment and furniture.

  13. I have not heard from her, seen her or anything since she told me to leave Sat. as the 80 yr. old was coming over to take her to the Twins game. She is 55, her father is less than 80 just so you know.

  14. @Keith – Ah, that makes sense now. Well, sort of. What she’s doing doesn’t make sense. To be honest, the guy’s age is irrelevant. What’s relevant is the fact that she’s really messing you about. That’s not fair and quite frankly really irresponsible of her. If you can’t trust her then you should probably try to get your stuff back and live on your own again. That doesn’t mean you should try to get rid of your feelings for her, though, because that could quite possibly drive you even more insane. Just accept your feelings for what they are, but do the practical thing and don’t live with her if she’s gonna be like that.

  15. LISTEN KEITH, SIMPLY MOVE BEFORE U GET HURT EVEN WORST THAN U PROB. ALREADY HAVE. THATS PURE B.S.WAT SHE HAS DONE! NOT COOL AT ALL! SHE NEVER TRULY LOVED YOU SORRY TO SAY, TRUE LOVE WOULDNT DO THAT.HOPE U NEVER WENT BACK.

  16. unconditional vs. marriage? I do not understand? You either understand the meaning of unconditional love whether your married or just in a relationship outside of marriage. And just for the record..letting “everyone be free” is what gets everyone in trouble and THEY certainly do not understand the meaning of unconditional love or a real commitment

  17. I belive that u should waite for marriage and i also belive that u should also waite for sex i mean yes sex is ok but u should waite like the 2 day u all together that is really wrong but if its goin into the second month or something i dont think there is something wrong but thats what i think you all can think diffrent

  18. i belive in unconditional love and i agree to u. i’m totally confused in my life and i want some suggestion from u.
    I’m 20 years boy doing my graduations. Two years back i went to receive a scholarship that day i saw a girl.. after seeing her i felt that as if i know her and i had feeling that she is a part of me….i got some clue about her residence and college in which she studies…fortunetaly she was from same stream and class in which i was pursuing my studies but she was from different college…I was so curious about her that i was searching for her…like a mad…after 13 days i found her..she is a catholic girl and me,,,,hindu but that instance i was totally blind in her love that i was ready to change my religion for her…i used to go for mass every day. and later on follow her till her house…Interesting i used to find that i dint had any physical attraction for her but i used feel some internal deeper feelings and i have no words to describe those feelings…i used to like whatever she used to do even silly things she used to do.one more thing i used to discover that she had same reaction for any situation which i used to have..as she is half part of me ..Next year i changed my college and joined the college in which she used to study…i used to see her regularly she was my classmate but i could’nt speak to her i used to feel some what uncomfortable in front of her…and i used to behave like stupid in front of her becoz of this thing started losing mine confidence and day by day i started becoming more and more nervous….which went on increasing.
    i wanted to speak to her but i never able to do properly even i used to try but never got desired reponse from her.i want to tell her all mine feelings to her…but i don’t find myself confortable to tell her. I don’t know what exactly i want from her or really i want something from her..but i miss her all time. there is not a single day or a minute when i don’t think about her. i think about her before or after doing anything i think i she is really going to feel…i think about her unconsciously….i tried mine self to stop that thing but i could’nt….. six months back i proposed her…..saying that i hav feelings for her…but her answer was no… i was upset very much but latter on i satisfied mine self…and tried to live my life normally….but after two days i started thinking about her. even after getting negative response from her i used to love her…and i used to miss her all time…after few months i wanted propose her again so i proposed her through mine frnd but again her ans was no.. i was upset with her and i thought to forget her but after seeing i forget that she don’t have feeling for me I feel that she just pretening that she don’t have feelings and i start loving her i can’t control mine self from loving her.i feel as if she is part of my body and i experience pain for her …..i’m totally frustrated with her and i hate her….but i love her very much i don’t know what to do… i don’t want to propose her any more.and i’ totally irritated with her…but i feel that i love her and really need her…..but i can’t force any one to love me and i don’t want such love also i feel totally incomplete without her…its becoming worse for me to live without her but i don’t have option…
    please tell me what kind of love is this and suggest me some ways to solve my problem
    pls tell me some thing about soul-mates i feel that she is my soul mate

  19. @basuraj
    You’re expecting too much from her. She hardly knows you at all… you can’t propose marriage to someone who hardly knows you. You’re nervous around her – if you ever want to have a chance with her you need to fix your nervousness and just be friends with her. Let her get to know you. Just be friends – don’t even think about relationships or marriage and all that unless it turns out she loves you too. There’s nothing wrong with loving her, but a relationship cannot work unless the two of you can be friends and talk to each other and get along and trust each other… that needs to be in place before you can even think about relationships or marriage. Maybe she noticed you were stalking her and thinks that’s kind of creepy… I would too.

    As for soulmates… if you believe in reincarnation, a soulmate is someone you knew in a previous life (or several previous lives). So that could explain why you felt like you already knew her. Except you knew her in a previous life, so you don’t really know her in this one, and it doesn’t guarantee that she’ll recognize you either.

    Oh, and you should never have to change yourself to be able to be with someone else… if she really loves you, she’ll love you no matter what religion or anything else you are.

  20. I need some advice. I’ve been in a relationship for 4 years I have unconditional love for him. but he is still with the wife she uses the 2 kids they have against him so he feels bad for his children. she knows he doesn’t love her they always fight. but now the issue is that he only sees me during work time we can’t go out after hours at all. I feel that he is hiding so she won’t find out that we are still together.the reason why I say I have unconditional love for him is because I understand him in so many ways she is a violent person. but I think if I don’t let go he will never decide on what he really wants to do.I think he is ok with it because I have accepted everything so thats why think if I stay He will never decide on what he wants to do.

  21. I have stuggled for years to unconditionally love myself, and others, trying to find a man to unconditionally love me instead..only to create a destructional path of my own ending in break ups..yes even been married for 7 years. now im working on loving myself unconditionally, looking into the meaning of the word…Unconditional love….

    For me Loving Unconditionally is to love ALL about myself and others, not judging instead completely accepting them as a person and letting people be themselves freely. meaning taking away limits, boundries, religon, everything…and being comfortable with they way they and myself are..no acceptions..
    thats not an easy thing to do in our world by any means. I think if we did though the world would have plenty of love instead of hate and war!!

  22. Your thoughts of love and all your other “I thinks” is exactly your thoughts, more then one person, free, apparently your thinking like a man. You have a I want my cake and eat it too attitude and with unconditional love, you’ll never experience it. You want more then one and you’ll be left for another over and over again you have issues and shouldn’t be giving your OPINION on unconditional love you should of titled it how to try and trick/convince your love that being a whore is the deepest love you can experience this sight is full of it never coming back to read this bolognie haha ridiculous

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